Here I am

Like many, I am terrified of the future. 

What was supposed to be a wonderful and profitable year, has turned into something from a sci-fi novel. When 2019 ended, I was excited. I was very excited. The start of the 2020s was going to be a time of celebration. That’s right, 2020 was the year I was going to be a grandfather for the first time, was when I started my MBA, and the company for which I was employed was going to have a record year in sales. 

When I came out of my Christmas break, I was renewed and couldn’t wait until the company hit its stride in April. 

It started with the death of Kobe Bryant in January. I don’t know why, but when Kobe and his daughter died in a helicopter crash, that affected me greatly. It dominated the news for a week. It was emotional and made one realize that life is indeed short for some. We all watched him grow up, and we (non-Los Angeles Laker fans) hated him as a basketball player, but no one wishes for someone to die young.

Then my daughter got sick in early February. Olivia, my five-year-old, started feeling poorly on a Saturday night. By Wednesday, she was very, very sick. She was sick enough that my wife took her to the hospital for two days. At her absolute worst, I was giving my daughter a bath. She was pale and feverish and weeping. She felt so horrible that she told her mother and me, “I just want to go to heaven.” To this day, those words haunt me. When my little girl feels so horrible, she wishes it would end. No. Just. No.

Then we started hearing about the coronavirus. Like many, I didn’t take it seriously at first. By March, it was spreading fast. When we all went to dinner for my father’s 72nd birthday, most of us still wondered what it was. Then it struck the Rogue Valley, and schools closed. Followed by several businesses. My company stayed open because we were essential. But there were rules and regulations in place that we were not following, so several of us were laid off. Me included. When the executive top-level was eliminated over the course of the next two weeks, I knew my time was up. 

Instead of being excited about a $10 million booking month, I was out of work. April 3 is a day I won’t forget anytime soon.

I am in school, hoping the Lord has something great in front of me. The world is different. People are different. I don’t know when it will be what it once was. Instead of being excited, we are now cautious and scared. One day, the hope is we can look ahead to a bright future.